Always
by Nan0min
Summary: After Mockingjay, many fans were left with the question "What happens next?" and although a brief epilogue gave some details it just didn't seem like enough. This is the story after Mockingjay, before the epilogue. Entitled 'Always' We follow Katniss to find love again. The real story of Katniss, Peeta, and Gale too :) *Disclaimer* Everything belongs to Suzanne Collins!
1. Home

**Home**

I'm awake. I look around the room and take everything in. I'm in my bed, but I don't know how I got here. I start to remember falling asleep on the couch last night. I can't remember ever getting up. I must have just passed out, sleepwalked? Suddenly it dawns on me. It must have been Peeta.

Peeta, I let that name sink in for a while. I've been living alone at my house in the Victors Village for I don't know how long and the only people I've seen have been Greasy Sae, her granddaughter and maybe Haymitch in his drunken scramble. That is until last night.

I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. On my nightstand sits Buttercup, he doesn't look particularly happy to see me, but we both know we're stuck with each other from now on. We both understand each others pain, and somehow it helps. Just seeing him reminds me of Prim. Before I start to sink back down into depression I jump up and throw him out of my room.

Walking into the bathroom I look myself in the mirror and see my tangled hair. Its still all different lengths from where the fire burned it. My skin is still pink and tender. "Ugly" I think to myself. "Good, now I match everywhere, inside and out."

I hop into the shower anyway and try to drown out my growing depressive mood. Soon I find myself thinking about the only thing I've tried to forget the most since I've been back. I just assumed that Peeta wouldn't come back. Gale didn't. Gale. I ruined that relationship too didn't I? But since Peeta's back and Gale isn't I guess that must mean something. I can't help but wonder why he even came back. Surely not for me, but why didn't he come before? Is he even the same boy I used to know? Before I know it I'm stuck with one question I don't think I want to know the answer to... Does he still love me?

I don't even know why I care, but I do. I know I must have taken advantage of Peeta's love for me. Maybe I just assumed he would always love me? I don't know. Maybe I did love the old Peeta, but even if I did I can never love again. Loving someone just means they're going to die or be hurt. I won't make that mistake again.

After I'm showered and dressed I head downstairs, almost afraid of what I'll find. Walking down the stairs I see some breakfast laid out and find a note from Greasy Sae telling me to eat up and when she'll be back. I slowly pick at the breakfast, I'm still lost in thought about Peeta. I wonder if I should go see him today, or if he'll come see me. No, I don't care. He isn't the same Peeta. I refuse to care.

I'm still there sitting when I hear the door burst open and Haymitch barges in. I pretend not to notice him and the foul stench that follows. He plops down on the chair next to me and takes my barely touched plate and starts to eat.

When he's finished he looks at me, opens his mouth like he wants to say something and then abruptly stops. He knows. "So he's back" I say with a small voice, like I don't want to believe it. "I know, he came to see me last night after he had a little run in with you passed out on your floor" Haymitch says gruffly.

Now I know for sure how I got back into my bed, and I don't know what to think of the thought of this new Peeta carrying me to my room, seeing me when I'm sleeping. When I'm most vulnerable.  
" He also told me he planted some bushes out front, they look a hell of alot better than what was there before." Haymitch says. I know what he really means, he knows what kind of plant they are, and what they mean to me. I sit there thinking, I want to ask how he is, but I don't want to look like I care too much.

"Haymitch is.. Is he.. um" I manage to stutter out. Haymitch leans back in his chair and sighs. " Back to normal? You and I both know he'll never be back to normal." He says. Try as I could, I must have shown some emotion because he quickly continues "But, he is much like his old self. More confused of course, and scared to death for you." "For me?" I think aloud. "Yeah, believe it or not the kid still remembers you, and I can't speak for him but I'm sure he wants to get to know you... again"

I ponder this thought as Haymitch gets up and leaves. I sit at the table for a while longer before I decide to spend the day in the woods. I haven't been out since I've been back, too many bad memories. I know Greasy Sae thinks It will be good for me to get out and hunt. I hadn't realized until now how long I have been stuck in here day after day not doing anything but sulking, crying, and passing out. The air might do me good, then again.

Before I can change my mind I grab my fathers jacket and head out to the woods, but just as soon as I walk out of the Victors village I'm in for a shock.


	2. Pain

**Pain**

The town has been transformed in the weeks I've been hiding. Almost everything has been rebuilt, with the addition of new fountain. Right where the whipping post used to be. I walk past the place where the bakery used to be, right now there is nothing but rubble. I can't help but wonder if Peeta has seen this place. I know that it must be a painful reminder of everything he's lost.

Looking around I see many new shops and flowers everywhere. People are going about their days with a smile. It screams so much joy and happiness, Prim would have loved to see this. I hate it. How can these people act like nothing happened? Like so many didn't die! Don't they deserve this too? Before I strangle something I begin running.

Tears stain my cheeks as I run and run deep into the forest until I reach my fathers lake. While there I grab a makeshift fishing pole I leave here and make my attempt to catch some fish for dinner. I know that Greasy Sae would appreciate some fresh meat to cook with. I know I shouldn't be upset about the rebuilding of the town. The people are celebrating their freedom, freedom that I helped give them. But why couldn't Prim be able to see this, to be happy too? Life isn't fair, and I hate it. Soon I cry myself out and focus on fishing.

After a few hours I make my way home with my kill. Two large lake trout should work well. When I walk into the house I hand them to Greasy Sae. Her eyes light up and she thanks me for the fish. I know she is happy to see my out and about again. She then informs me Peeta came by this afternoon while I was out. She said he seemed happy to know I was hunting again and told her he would be by tomorrow again. "Good." I think to myself. This gives me time to prepare. I don't know what I will say to this boy, but part of me is glad I will see him.

Walking upstairs I go to my room and start to get ready for bed. I know tonight won't be a good night. After seeing the new town and thinking so much of Prim I am prepared to face my nightmares. Or so I think. Slipping into my sheets I notice Buttercup once again sitting at my bedside table. "What do you want?" I ask him angrily, but he knows I don't mean it. He comes and settles down next to me in the bed and purrs himself to sleep. I'm not entirely sure what this means, but I accept it and drift off to sleep too.

_A giant crowd encircles me in the new town square. Prim, Cinna, Rue, and many, many others, all looking angrily at me. Prim speaks up, "Why are you all celebrating? No one deserves to be happy here! Especially not you Katniss! You killed us all! It's your fault! It's all your fault!" She begins to scream, over and over, louder and louder. I can't run, I can't do anything but sit and watch._

Suddenly I realise its me who's screaming. I'm awake. I'm alone. These things start to regester in my head. Everything is still so foggy though, suddenly I run through my list.  
"My name is Katniss Everdeen, I live in district 12, everyone I love is dead, I'm alone, Peeta is home, I will see him tomorrow." I feel myself calming down somewhat. I repeat this over and over for I don't know how long. Soon I begin to see the sun rise and I decide to go hunting before Peeta gets here.

Jumping out of bed I still feel somewhat dazed from crying for the past few hours. I quickly change into my clothes and run out the door. I avoid looking around the town this morning and make my way to the forest. I hunt for a good while and haven't gotten anything when suddenly I see the little flick of a tail. I know there is a squirrel, and I toss some nuts on the ground a few feet in front of me. Sure enough this fat squirrel comes out of the brush and before he can do anything I nail him right in the eye. I can't help but think back to before the first games when Peeta commented on my hunting abilities.

After a few hours I settle for the squirrell and walk back home, handing it to Greasy Sae as I walk in the kitchen. Again her eyes brighten and she looks over to me when she says " I'll make you two something special for today." I nod and go upstairs to shower and change. I decide to put my hair in a bun since I want to hide my bald spots that haven't quite grown back yet.

Just as I reach downstairs and smell the wonderful food cooking I walk into the kitchen to talk to Greasy Sae about the meat when I find myself face to face with Peeta.


	3. Remembering

**Remembering**

I can't move. I stand there helplessly as I gaze into those blue eyes that are so familiar, yet strange to me now. After what seems an eternity I squeak out a hi. "Hi." He replies. Before I say anything stupid I walk over to Greasy Sae and absentmindedly talk to her about the meat. She asks how often I plan to go out hunting. This I don't know. I voice my thoughts and she gives me a pat on the shoulder, " I think you know." She smiles and walks out of the house. "I'll be back with supper."

Now I turn and face Peeta. I don't know what to say, so I stand there until he makes the first move. "How have you been?" he asks curtly. "Fine" I reply in the same tone. I grab the food from the counter and go to the table. Making to indication I want him to follow me, but he does anyway. We sit down. " Listen Katniss, I know you might think you can't trust me and you have good reason, but there is a lot I don't remember and I can only get the answers from you." I can tell he really means this. I want to help, but I don't know how. Something else bothers me too, maybe the fact that I almost don't want to know this boy. The one who took the real Peeta from me.

I stop myself, it isn't his fault. This is the Capitols fault. This is Snow's fault. I have to help him. If anything to get back at Snow. Who knows, maybe, just maybe, I can find some trace of the boy I used to know.

"Okay." I finally spit out. I don't dare to meet those eyes. The ones that haunt me in my dreams. Instead I hear him say " Great! You don't know what this means to me, Katniss." But I do. More than he knows. " Alright, ask away." I say while desperately trying to find something to look at besides Peeta.

He begins by asking simple questions about the first games. Did I really love him? Was everything I did for show? Was I plotting to kill him the whole time? I answer question after question. Soon the afternoon comes to evening.

Greasy Sae brings some soup which we eat silently. After a million questions I'm about done for the day. Before he goes he asks me one last question, one that he seems to have been avoiding for quite a while. "Katniss?" He asks slowly. I look at him. " When we were in the cave, you drugged me so that you could save me. Real or not real?" "Real." I reply. I look back over at him and see the relief in his face. "Some memories are worse than others. That one was one of them." He says softly. I nod my head in reply.

"I better go." He gets up and starts walking to the door. Before he leaves he looks back. "Can I come back tomorrow?" I think for a moment. I want to help him I know I do. So I nod my head in confirmation. He smiles a little bit and goes. I sit there alone thinking about what just happened. I'm not sure how much I actually helped Peeta today, but I am glad that I could do something.

I walk upstairs and go into Prim's room. Everything is as she left it. I couldn't bear the thought of touching anything of hers. I slowly sit on her bed, lost in my thoughts. Before I know it I just start talking. I talk to Prim. It's not like I have a gravesite I could go visit so this is as good as anything else.

I tell her about everything. Greasy Sae, Haymitch, the new town, hunting, and finally Peeta. It was comforting to be able to let all these new feelings out. I cry and tell her how much I miss her and wish she was with me. Oddly enough, all these things comfort me. Its still hard to look around the room and remember what used to be, but somehow I feel she is still with me.

I hear a meow and know Buttercup has joined me, and we cry together. I wake up sometime later with him in my arms, and I slowly pick him up and carry him to my bed. I don't want to be alone tonight. I can't help but wish I had my Peeta with me. I know he could comfort me in a way no one else can. I also know I'll never have that again, so I settle for Buttercup.

I don't fall asleep for hours, I sit in the bed and listen to the cat beside me purring. I'm very careful of what I let myself remember. I don't want to fall into depression anymore, I can't if I want to help Peeta. Soon I doze off.

I have my normal nightmares, and I calm myself down. I also have good dreams. Dreams of Prim, Finnick, Cinna, my Father, and many of the people I loved the most. I miss them, but somehow this feels like being with them again. Drifting in and out of sleep, I make it through the night.


	4. Goodmorning

_Thanks you guys for reading! This is my first story so it is a little rough. I plan to update weekly, at least once or more. I definitely appreciate any reviews because I want you guys to like it, any ideas are welcome__**.**_

**Beginning Chapter Notes:**

**This chapter was hard for me to write. I was definitely having some writers block and wasn't sure where the story was going to go next. Let me know what you think.**

**Goodmorning**

**It's morning. Too late to go hunting, too early for Peeta. I roll over in my bed and see that Buttercup has planted himself by the window and watches the sun coming up. I call to him and he looks over and meows to me. "Good morning to you too." I say as I get up, stretch, and walk over to the mirror. ******

**There in the glass I see a girl who slightly resembles me. She has crazy dark brown hair, sad eyes, and hollow cheeks. She's skinny, her skin is scarred, and she's me. ******

**I never thought I was beautiful, but I certainly knew I wasn't ugly. I took after my father in my looks, there was no way I could be ugly. I'm not pretty either. Only when Cinna was around was I pretty. But now Cinna's gone, and somehow here I am, just a shadow of who I used to be. Maybe this is why Peeta cringed a little every time he looked at me yesterday.. and I just assumed it was the memories.******

**Grabbing my clothes I go downstairs to the kitchen and grab myself some leftovers from yesterday. While I'm eating I think about Peeta. Yesterday was so awkward. So many questions I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to think of the past, the good times and the bad. I'm afraid of letting him know how horrible of a person I really am.******

**Cleaning my dishing I walk to the sink and leave them their. Then I start walking to Haymitches.******

**Inside is somewhat clean. Hazelle must still be cleaning for him. That's good, she could use the money. But I feel bad she has to come here so often. In the kitchen I find Haymitch sitting at the table, a knife in one hand and a bottle in the other, his way of coping I guess. ******

**I try to shake him without getting too close, but it doesn't work. Prodding him with a fork doesn't work either. Finally I give up and yell "HAYMITCH!" and he bolts upright. "WHAT?" he screams back.******

**"****I wanted to talk." I say in a normal voice hoping he might do the same.******

**"****Yelling at me isn't the best conversation starter sweetheart, I'm more likely to stab you." he says with a groggy voice.******

**"****Well if you'd rather I'll throw some ice water on you next time." I say with a snarl. I'm not in the mood to argue right now.******

**"****Okay, okay, what do you want?" Haymitch says and puts his hands up in defeat.******

**I sit down in a chair next to him and start to tell him about Peeta's visit yesterday. ****  
****"****I don't know why he just showed up" I say******

**"****Oh that I know, I told him to go." Haymitch says******

**"****Why?" I ask. Not that I REALLY cared, but I wouldn't of minded if Peeta hadn't come at all.****  
****" ****He wanted answers from me I couldn't give him" Haymitch says simply.******

**I know it makes sense. It doesn't mean that I like it. I'm done with Haymitch so I get up and leave. He doesn't protest and goes back to the bottle in his hand. I walk out of the house and decide to go for a walk. **

**No one is up yet so I walk around town and think to myself. The new buildings make everything look so much better than it used to be. I know I shouldn't be angry, but I still have the feeling I shouldn't be happy here, and neither should anyone else. But I gave this freedom to these people, I shouldn't regret it. **

**Life is so much better for so many people now because of me. But I don't let it get to my head. Many people died because of me too. **

**The sun is well up now and the streets are starting to get crowded. Not something I want to deal with. I don't want to talk to anyone. Besides, I should go back home before Peeta comes.******

**Walking in my door I smell something I definitely didn't expect. Bread.******

**The smell seems to swirl around me and so many memories come flooding back that a gasp escapes my lips. Suddenly footsteps come around the corner and Peeta is there.******

**"****Are you okay? I thought I heard someone.."******

**I don't want to make him think that anything affected me so cutting him off I roughly say "I'm fine." and walk past him up to my room. I don't like this. Why is he here already? Does he think he can just walk into my house like its his? My anger towards him is growing. I probably shouldn't be so mad at him but something about this just makes me so angry.******

**Before I can think anymore I tear myself down the stairs, but halfway down I lose my footing and tumble the rest of the way. Trying to catch myself my left foot gets rolled on on of the stairs and I know it isn't going to end well. Then I'm stuck there on the ground at the bottom. "Great." I think and pain starts to shoot through my body. Peeta comes rushing in from the kitchen with Greasy Sae right behind him.******

**There I am sprawled on the floor, pain everywhere and all I can think to myself is how I can't believe they both have to see me like this. Greasy Sae tries to help me up a little bit but a small scream comes from me. I can't believe how much pain I am in. My left ankle hurts so bad. Sae immediately lets go and I sit there whimpering about my ankle and that it hurts really bad.******

**I look up and see Peeta standing there, his eyes are glazed over and his fists are clenched. "Oh God not now!" I think. ******

**Peeta is having an attack.**

**Ending Chapter Notes:**

**The thing I love about writing is that I really don't know where the story is going to go. I literally just write what comes to me, and then revise it later. I honestly didn't know what this chapter was going to be about when I started writing, but I am really happy with the way it went. What do you think? Your input is important! Please review!**

**_Want to keep reading this story? Be sure to follow it so you can be updated when the next chapter comes out, new chapters weekly!_**


	5. Anger

**Anger**

Before I have any time to think the front door bursts open and Haymitch comes in and steps right in between me and Peeta. I'm still sitting there on the ground tears streaming down my face from the pain of my foot, but even more so that I have to see Peeta like this again. I know he can never fully heal, but I haven't seen him like this since after Finnick died.

Suddenly Haymitch is yelling at Peeta, "Peeta, you're okay! Nothing here is going to hurt you, you're just having trouble remembering what is true." The issue isn't getting any better and from what I can tell, the yelling is only making things worse. Peeta starts to fall forward and Haymitch catches him in his arms, but Peeta is too heavy. Haymitch lowers him to the ground where Peeta buries his face into his hands.

No one knows what to do, but suddenly I start talking to him. " Peeta, Peeta it's me Katniss." He mutters something about a mutt. "No I'm not a mutt, the capitol hijacked you remember? Whatever your remembering isn't true!" My voice surprisingly sounds calm and controlled even though I'm a total mess. "Come back to me Peeta, please come back." I plead for what seems like forever but nothing is working. Finally I reach over and stroke his hair, just like I used to. This is something I know can't be tainted, because I never did it on camera.

He shudders at my touch at first, but slowly he comes back. Soon he is sitting up and his eyes are coming back to normal, but I can tell he's exhausted. "Come on Peeta I'll take you home, you need to get some rest." Haymitch directs. He gets no verbal response, but Peeta gets up and walks with him out the door.

When they leave Greasy Sae comes to me. "You handled that real well." She says and then begins to help me up to the couch. My foot is hurting so bad, but I don't dare scream. I don't want to risk the chance that Peeta would hear me. I sit down and Greasy Sae goes over to the phone. "I might not be clueless when it comes to injuries, but I know this is something out of my hands." she says as she dials a number. "Hello, Mrs. Everdeen?"

"_NO!" _ I think "_I don't want my mother here, not now, maybe not ever!" _Ever since Prim died it was like she didn't want to talk to me, see me, anything. I am nothing to her. Why would Greasy Sae call her? I listen as Greasy Sae talks to my mother a bit more and hangs up. "Your momma will be here by this evening, I'll stay with you until she comes but I don't wantcha moving at all. Got it?" I nod my head. Not moving won't be a problem at all.

Sae leaves for town and I sit for a while thinking about this morning. It's not even 9 in the morning and already the whole day is ruined. I think about Peeta, I was so scared for him. I don't even know how he's doing right now! Just as I finish that thought Haymitch comes through the door again and sits down in a chair next to me. "You want to tell me what happened? How did he break your foot?!" I look up at him in alarm. "He didn't break my I foot, I did." I say a little sheepishly. "Care to explain then?" Haymitch says.

I tell him about how I came back to the bread and Peeta, how I got angry, and how I fell down the stairs. About halfway through Haymitch just starts laughing. "What!?" I question when I'm finished. "You!" He laughs."Your getting angry at nothing got you into this whole mess, and if you ask me you deserve a broken foot!" Now I'm angry, I had good reason to be mad at Peeta. I have good reason to be mad at anyone I please! The stupid stairs wasn't my fault either! My anger must have shown through because Haymitch starts laughing louder. "SHUT UP!" I scream. I don't have to take this, all I want is to be left alone.

Haymitch is still laughing as he gets up to leave, "Oh and Peeta is okay, not that you asked. He's tired and a little delusional, but all around okay. I don't recommend walking over to see him though!" He begins laughing just as loud as before again as he heads out the door. "If you would have just shut up I would have asked!" I scream after him.

Just as the door closes it opens again. "Stay away Haymitch!" I scream, only to find it's Greasy Sae back from town. She gives me a confused look. "Don't ask." I say. She brings me some ice in a bag for my foot and helps me to get as comfortable as I can. Then she makes me take some nasty tasting medicine she says should dull the pain. The next medicine she promises tastes good. I take it and find it to be very sweet tasting, but I know what it really is. Soon I find myself drifting off to deep, dreamless sleep. Just the way I like it.

I wake up later and look at the clock. I've been asleep for 5 hours, it's almost 2. I look at my foot and see it's a dark shade of purple, as well as black, and it's very swollen. I know better than to move it, so I reposition myself and try to go back to sleep.

Only a little while later do I hear the door open, I figure it's either Greasy Sae, or my mother. Neither of which I want to see right now, so I pretend I'm still sleeping. I hear the chair next to me slide quietly closer. Suddenly the person speaks.

"I'm so sorry Katniss." I know that voice anywhere. It's Peeta. "I hope you're not angry at me, I couldn't take it if you were." He must think I'm still sleeping, so I play along, listening in to something I probably shouldn't hear, but can't help it.

**Authors Note: I'm really excited to see what Peeta is going to say to 'sleeping' Katniss next chapter! This is the longest chapter of the story so far, I'm excited to say I plan on making 15+ chapters to this story so follow this story to get notified when I new chapter comes out! I try to get 1-2 out weekly.**

As always, please review because I WANT YOUR IMPUTE! Any ideas are welcomed, and I appreciate any feedback, positive or negative!

~Nan0min


	6. Stuck

**Stuck**

****" I hate me." I hear him say. "I hate that I can't remember everything, I hate the capitol, and I hate that you had to see me like that." I can't believe it, while I was worried about my own embarrassment, here was this boy being tortured and still worried about me. " You really helped me the other day you know. Being able to distinguish the shiny memories from the real ones really do make it so much better. I'm just sorry I haven't gotten far enough that I don't freak out when I hit the bad ones."

_Oh Peeta! _I think. Here I was all angry with him this morning, and I bet he just came over as soon as he woke up because he wants so badly for me to help him remember. " I know I loved you Katniss, and I think I'm starting to figure out how you felt for me." Peeta says quietly. _Oh good, at least one of us knows. _"You might not of loved me in the same way, but you did care, and that was more than I could've ever asked for. I know I was happy, and I'd give just about anything to get that back. You have no idea."

I'm sitting there listening to him pour his heart out to me, and I don't know what I should do. I want to just give him a hug and tell him everything is going to be alright, but I don't want to blow my cover. I sit for a while longer, and he doesn't say anything. Soon I decide I better fake wake up.

I flutter my eyes open and yawn. Slowly I look over at him sitting next to me and pretend to be surprised he's there. "Hi." I say quietly. "Hi." he replies. "Katniss I'm so sorry about what happened earlier I don." I cut him off "Peeta it's okay." I take a deep breath " You know that was much better than the other times I was near you, you didn't even try to strangle me." _Great! _I think. _Like that was the best way to say that!_

I see a sad look come over his face. "Peeta." I say. "Really, you're doing so much better, and I will help you as much as I can. You know that don't you?" He looks like he wants to cry. "I just don't want to hurt you." He almost whispers as a tear streams down his face.

I can't believe it, he almost seems just like the old Peeta. Too much like the old Peeta. I stop and think. _My Peeta is in there, I just have to help him remember. _Just like I would to my Peeta, I lean over and hug him. He hugs me back and we just hold each other. "Peeta, they wouldn't of let you come back if they thought you would hurt me." I say into his chest. Then I sit up and look him straight in the eye. "I trust you, so trust yourself."

By then he's had more tears fall down his face so I reach over and wipe them off. He gives me a little smile. "Thank you so much Katniss, you don't know how much that means." He says. I look at him and smile. Something about the way he's acting, it's almost like the hijacking never happened, but just as the feeling comes it leaves. The door opens and in walks my mother.

I immediately look at the clock, I guess I must of fake slept for longer than I thought because its now almost four. My mother comes in the room and takes in the scene of my foot. Peeta has backed up and sat in his chair without touching me. I find this odd, like he is almost afraid of what my mother might think of us sharing an intimate moment. Me on the other hand, couldn't care less.  
"Well Katniss what did you get yourself into this time?" She says, almost like she's making fun of me. I don't like it. "I tripped down the stairs okay?" I say in a rude tone. My mother seems to take this in, and nods her head. "Mind if I look at it?" She says more politely. I gesture to my foot in response. Peeta stands up to get out of the way, "I think I'm going to head home, I don't want to be in the way." "No wait, you can stay if you want I don't mind." I say a little too quickly. He smiles, "Why don't I grab some bread and cookies back at my place and come back, that will give you some time to have your doctors visit." He winks at me and walks out the front door.

I think back to my desperate plea of him staying. _Why did I do that? _I think. It takes me awhile to realize that when I was talking to Peeta, it was like I was really talking to Peeta. My Peeta! I guess I hadn't realized how much I missed him.

Meanwhile my mother is taking a look at my foot. "Well Katniss it looks like it's not broken, but you bruised the cartilage really bad, I can give you some painkillers but it looks like your going to be staying put for at least a few weeks." I groan. I don't know if it would be worse if it was broken "Let me wrap it up with some bandages, that should give you some wiggle room. But for the most part your going to be stuck on this couch, unless Peeta carries you to bed." I give her the death glare before I realise she was just kidding. I don't care either way, I don't want to talk to her about Peeta. It's confusing enough for me.

She gets up and says she's going to get some things out of her bag. I sit there and think about what this means for me. No hunting. Well that's okay I haven't been doing much anyway. But what about everything else? _Everything else? I haven't even done anything since I came back._ I'm still at a loss when I hear the door open and Peeta walks in the room.

"I brought some food, what did your mom say?" Just then she walks into the room. "Katniss didn't break any bones, but she'll be stuck here for a few weeks." she comes over and starts to wrap my foot but the second she touches it I feel the pain. It's not as severe as it was before, probably because of the drugs, but it is definitely uncomfortable. I don't dare make a noise, I don't want Peeta having another attack.

When she's done she hands Peeta a container of pills. "One a day, and no more." She comes back over and kisses me on the head. I let her, but I don't return any affection. "I'll be back in a week to check up on you." And just like that she's gone. _Good._ I think. Now all I have to do is deal with the boy next to me. " It looks like you and me are going to be spending a lot of time together now." I say with a hint of sarcasm. "You better get started with your questions." I lay back and wait for him to start.

**What do you know, 2 uploads in 2 days! Writing this is just like reading it for me, and sometimes I just can't wait to see what happens next! Questions, do you guys think I'm moving too fast with Peeta and Kaniss' relationship? This is about 3 or 4 days after his initial comeback, but so much has happened already! Let me know what you think!**

Do you have any ideas for what should happen in this story? I'm happy to hear them! Leave your answer and ideas in a review and I will get back to you! Until next chapter! ~Nan0min


	7. Healing

For the next two weeks it's the same thing, Peeta comes in the morning, helps me with pills and getting around my house. In return, I let him ask me all the questions he can think of. Only a few times does he have flashbacks, and they aren't nearly as bad as the first one. I begin to notice a change in him, he is becoming a new Peeta, much like the old, but scarred from the tracker jackers. It was easy to fall into a routine, and although difficult at first, I think I am getting used to him now. Part of me doesn't know what to make of this new relationship.

My mother is coming to check up on me today. I think I'm well enough to walk, but Peeta insists I can't until my mother says so. I look up at the clock, it's 9. Peeta should be here any minute, my mother should be here by noon. I relax and try to wiggle my stiff toes. I've had nightmares almost every night on this couch. I especially seem to dream about Peeta, I watch him die, or kill me, so many times each night. I haven't told him about any of them, while I think we're good friends, I don't think I will ever love anyone. Especially Peeta, but he has managed to work his friendship into my heart, as far as I let it anyway.

He has a pretty clear vision of what actually happened, although occasionally he will still ask questions. Even ones I've already answered. He told me that sometimes it was like I told him in a dream, and then he had to ask in real life. I don't completely understand, but I don't think it matters too much. I can't believe how much he has changed, but then stayed the same. It's hard to explain. I don't understand much about life right now, so I take one day at a time.

I hear a soft knock at the door and hear it open. _Just in time. _I think. He creeps his way into the room, and I look over. "Yeah I'm awake." I say to let him know he doesn't have to be super quiet. He immediately grabs the pain pills on the counter. "You think you need any of these today?" He asks. "No, I'm fine. Besides, I think I'm going to be able to walk anyway." He puts the pills back down and walks into the kitchen. I hear him banging around and start to smell some bread and eggs cooking. That is one thing I will miss when Peeta stops coming over, never having to cook a meal.

He brings a big platter of steaming food to the couch and we both sit together and eat. This is how it's been. It almost seems like I've been doing it for months. When we're done he takes the platter back into the kitchen. I sit and think about my mom. I saw her only once last week for a check up. She said I was healing well and anticipated me being better by today. She's been nice and courteous. I think she got the picture on her first visit back. We don't talk about anything. I don't want to let her back into my life. She doesn't ask, I don't tell. It's as simple as that. But I can see the haunting of Prim's death in her eyes, even if she tries to hide it.

Peeta comes back into the room as I'm still thinking. He sits down in his chair next to the couch and closes his eyes. "Nightmares?" I ask quietly. I don't usually talk to Peeta about really personal things, but something about his mannerism reminds me of when I've had a really bad night. His eyes open. "Yeah." I look at him. "Peeta, what do you have nightmares about?" This is almost a trick question. Back when we were hiding in the capitol I overheard Peeta and Gale talking. Peeta told gale he has nightmares of me leaving him. I can't help but wonder if he still has them.

"Oh lots of things. People that have died, the games, and you." he says with a sigh. I'm not sure if he means me as in 'She's a mutt' or 'She's gone'. It's probably better this way. "What about you?" He asks. "Everything." I say. "I have nightmares about absolutely everything." We exchange a knowing glance. The subject is then dropped. Neither of us wants too think about it anymore.

We talk for a while longer before Peeta leaves to get my mother from the train station. When they come back I am ready and waiting. My mother comes in and goes straight to my foot. She unwraps it, moves it, and applies pressure. Everything seems to be fine. "Okay Katniss, why don't you try to walk." She finally says. This is what I've been waiting for. Peeta and her both brace me to stand up. Easy.

I start to shuffle across the room, then I do it by myself. Finally I start to take baby steps. After about an hour I can walk, but with a slight limp that my mother said should go away soon. "Well I guess my work here is finished. I better go" She says and starts grabbing her things. Before she excites the door she turns around. "Oh and Katniss, be sure to shower now okay?" Oh. That's all I think. I haven't taken a shower in two weeks, and even though I washed my skin and hair with a bucket of water, the place on my foot where the bandage was looks a little green, and I'm sure doesn't smell too pleasant.

I glare at the door behind her, then start up the stairs. It doesn't take me long until I realise I'm not going to make it. I turn around too find Peeta watching me. He laughs a bit. " Oh just carry me up the stairs please" I say with a nasty tone. He just laughs harder. "What happened too you being able to walk everywhere by tonight?" he says sarcastically. I glare in response. He laughs again and picks me up and carries me to by bathroom. "Thanks." I mumble as he closes the door behind him.

I quickly jump into the shower and turn on the lukewarm water. It feels so good too scrub the grime off of my foot, not too mention it was really itchy to have on in the first place. Turning the water off I grab a towel and wrap it around me. I step into my bedroom and dry off. Grabbing a pair of jeans and a Tshirt I dress myself and head back downstairs. I find Peeta down there watching some capitol TV. He turns it off as soon as he hears me. "Well look at you, you look normal now." he says with a grin. "Normal?" I snort. "What's normal about me?"

Peeta doesn't say anything. But what he does next sends me into shock.

**A/N: Sorry about the cliffhanger, there should be another update in a few days! To be perfectly honest, I'm not very happy with this chapter. I don't know exactly what it is, but it bugs me. I almost didn't want to post it, but figure I probably wont find any other way to write it.**

Please please let me know what you guys are thinking, I really want this to be a good story. I appreciate any feedback! Until next chapter! ~Nan0min


	8. Regret

Peeta is hugging me. My mind is buzzing with thoughts and memories. I don't move, I let him hug me. I don't hug back, and I don't pull away. _Why am I letting him do this?_ I think. Strangely enough, I don't mind the hug. It reminds me of a time when I felt safe. Suddenly something in me screams 'No'. I pull back, and look at him in surprise.

He smiles, "Nothing is normal about you, that's why I like you." I stand there, staring at him, letting the words sink in. I'm not sure how to respond. I see his smile fade as he notices my uncomfortableness. "I'm sorry I shouldn't of done that.." He stammers. "No." I hear my voice say. "It's okay." I give him a cheeky smile and go about getting leftover soup out of the kitchen.

While I absentmindedly warm the soup up I can't stop thinking about that hug. I've been here for months, not talking to anyone, and certainly not hugging anyone. I wasn't very physical with anyone but Prim, hugs and snuggles. Then came Peeta, we hugged, we cuddled, sat together, kissed, and even slept in the same bed together. All these past few years I always had Peeta, he was always there for me to run to. Then, for months I had absolutely no physical contact with anyone... until now.

Part of me doesn't think that what just happened was a good idea, another part wants to hug again. I'm so confused by everything, I don't even notice when Peeta sits me down in a chair and gives me food. When I finally come to my senses, he's sitting there staring at me. "Katniss? Are you okay?" He sounds worried. I nod my head. "Was it the hug? I'm really sorry, I just wanted too make you feel better." I'm still shutting down, losing myself in thought. "No I'm okay really." I lie. "I'm just tired, I think I'm just going to go to bed." He smirks at me, "No way, not until you finish your dinner." He knows that I don't eat unless someone makes me. He learned that much in the past month.

I stay there until my food is half eaten, say goodnight, and go upstairs to bed. Walking into my room, I silently close the door behind me. I change into some comfy pajamas I have from when I stayed in the capitol. These ones are a dark green, specially ordered because I hate all the stupid pastel colors they had. Putting on some fuzzy socks I also got from the capitol, I pad over to my bed. Of course Buttercup is laying right in the middle, he managed to get comfy while I changed. I gently scooch him over and lay down.

Sleeping is impossible, I'm still stuck on the thought of that hug. It felt so good, to feel those arms around me again. I felt so safe, like there was nothing in the world that could harm me. I also felt like I was back again, with Peeta, when things were oh-so not simple but yet, simple. What I wouldnt give to feel those arms around me all the time. But I have to be realistic here, this can't happen. I can't hug him, he, he... oh I don't even know anymore. He isn't the Peeta I used to know, but he isn't the tracker jacker infested lunatic I thought he was going to be.

Maybe... maybe, hugs aren't that bad. You can hug anyone, family, or friends. Peeta is my friend, there isn't anything wrong with hugging him. That doesn't mean we are anything more that friends.

Satisfied with that answer I try to drift off to sleep. It takes a while, and eventually I do, but this isn't going to be a restful night. I have horrible nightmares of Peeta. Again, he is killing me, or I manage to fall in love with him again, and he is killed. Over and over these dreams cloud my head. I wake up screaming, Buttercup is on the other side of the room watching me, my sheets are in a tangle, my pillow ripped to shreds. I am a mess.

I go to the bathroom and rip my sweaty clothes off of my body and run into the shower, making sure the water is cold. I'm so exhausted, I sit down and let the water wash over me. I'm crying. Sobbing more like it. I cry for Prim and that she's not here, I cry for my father because he left me, I cry for my mother, Cinna, Finnick, Annie, Johanna, Gale, even Effie. I sob for everyone.

I get out of the shower and throw clothes on, still crying. I land in my bed and cry into it. I cry for Peeta. Peeta who loved me even when I was a jerk to him. Even when I didn't deserve him. Who still managed to care about me when he was hijacked. I cry for me, I've had a horrible life, and I've been a horrible person, especially to Peeta. My body is racking from the crying and screaming I'm doing. I miss everyone, but most of all I miss Peeta, so, so, much. I can't even explain the hurt in my heart that I haven't had him.

All of this, because of one, simple, hug. I don't know what I should do, I rush out of my room, out my door and before I know it, I'm at Peeta's house. I'm just about too burst in the door when I stop myself. _What am I doing?_ I think. _Have I gone crazy I can't go in there! What do I think I'm going to do? What is he going to do? _Slowly, I turn around and start walking back home, still silently crying, but before I reach there I decide to give Haymitch a visit.

Walking inside his horrible smelling house, I ignore the odors and go to find Haymitch. Walking into the kitchen I'm surprised to find him, awake. I sit down and we both exchange glances, he gestures for me to speak. Before I know it I'm bawling again and trying to explain to him what happened.

**A/N: This chapter was definitely emotional, not just for Katniss. It was hard to write, because I'm trying to get inside Katniss' head, and I don't want her to suddenly love Peeta again, it HAS to be gradual, and while I don't want it to go super slow, I don't want to rush into things.**

Just an FYI, I do plan on moving things with Katniss and Peeta very soon, I think its getting to be about time! Don't you? Please leave any thoughts or questions in a review and I will get back to you! I will update soon, promise! Until next chapter! ~Nan0min 


	9. Change

"I think I'm going insane." I blurt out. "Well, that's something I've known for a while. Why don't we start with something I don't know. Like, why are you here in the middle of the night, and why your crying" Haymitch replies. I shift nervously in my chair. I honestly don't know why I'm here. "Well," I begin. "You know Peeta has been coming over practically every day?" He nods. "Everything was fine with me except for yesterday, because he hugged me." Haymitch raises an eyebrow at this, but I keep going. "and I really liked it, but I don't think I should of and I don't know what's happening because I just ran to his house and almost ran through the door and then I realized what I was doing and I came here and I still don't know what I'm doing and I'm crazy and angry for crying and I just don't know what to do." Tears are streaming down my face as I'm breathing heavily from my speech. I look at Haymitch to see his reaction, but don't see anything different from what I usually see.

We sit there for a while and I start to calm down. After about a half hour my tears have stopped and I've been staring at the table playing with my fingers. Haymitch clears his throat. "So, all this because he uh, hugged you" I nod, not meeting his eyes. "Listen, I'm no expert, but I know you and him shared something. I also know it has been hard on both of you since he came back, with him being so different." He pauses before speaking again. "I think you just missed him, and when he hugged you it triggered all those memories, trust me, those things happen. The hug might not of meant anything much to him, but it meant more for you because you remember." Oddly enough, what Haymitch is saying makes sense.

Peeta and I may have never had the best relationship, but in my own weird way, I loved him. I miss that more than I ever thought I would. I've been pushing those feelings out because I thought I would never have Peeta back, but somehow, he is coming back. That hug, made me remember Peeta, and it gave me hope that maybe he could come back. At the same time, I know I can't feel this way. I can't love.. it just brings too much pain. I will never love Peeta again. I won't allow it.

I sit there a while longer contemplating these thoughts before I get up. "Thank you Haymitch." I say before heading out the door. Back to my house, my bed, my thoughts. I refuse to think about Peeta anymore, and I go back to sleep.

When I wake up the next morning, Its late. Throwing the blanket off myself I get up and go downstairs. I find no one there. _It's better this way. _I think. I don't know what I would do if I saw Peeta right now. I sit around for a while longer before I decide to go outside. It's too late for hunting, but I know the air will do me good. I walk through town, down the meadow, and to my fathers lake. I haven't been since one of my first hunting trips since I came back.

I take most of my clothes off and jump into the cool water. I glide, dive, and swim around. The water rushes over my face, and I feel content. Floating on my back I watch the clouds and try to find shapes like I used to with my father. Instead I seem to find bones and weapons. This isn't working out. I stand up and walk out to go lay in the grass so I can dry off. Looking around, I see all the different colors of leaves. How did Fall come so fast? It isn't my favorite season, but even I have to admit the leaves changing colors does look pretty. After I while I can't help but start to sing.

_Are you, are you Coming to the tree?_

_Where they strung up a man they say murdered three._

_Strange things did happen here._

_No stranger would it be If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree._

I sing the whole song several times over. Sitting up, I grab my clothes and put them on. I walk away from my fathers lake, and decide to visit some of Gale and I's special places in the woods. They look untouched. Like no time has passed since little Katniss and Gale fought to save their families. My heart hurts for that girl, who thought her life was difficult then. If only she knew what was going to happen in just a few years. I push those memories from my mind and begin to walk home.

Once I get there I walk inside and find Peeta. "Hey where were you?" He questions. "I just went to the woods." I say a little annoyed. He could tell. "Oh sorry, well I just came over to see how your doing." He says gently. "I'm fine." I say and move past him into my living room, and sit on the couch." Peeta follows and sits down on the other end facing me. "I have an idea." He says. I look over at him and see the twinkle in his eyes, though I quickly look away. "What?" I say. " Lets make a book, of all the people that have died. I want to draw pictures of all of them. That way we can't forget."

Surprisingly, I love the idea, but have one of my own. "What if I write about them too? All the details that I know" He nods his head and mysteriously pulls out a book. He opens it and I find that all the pages are blank. Then pops out his pencils. "Ready." He says. I know it's supposed to be serious, but I can't help but smirk. "You knew I would say yes?" I ask. "Well I didn't see any good reason why you would say no. Besides I know you too well to know what you would say"

At that I freeze. _He knows me too well? _"Peeta how much do you remember?" I suddenly blurt out. He looks at me with a bit of a surprised face. "A lot," Peeta says. "You really helped me this past month." He smiles. That feeling of hope flows through me again, just like it did yesterday. I can't allow it. I look out the window and see the colored leaves again. This book wasn't something I was planning on doing, but maybe it's better that things change, just like the leaves. I focus back on the book. Our first entry: Prim

**A/N: Just like the chapter title says, things are about to change. For better? That I don't know, but we'll just have to wait and see!**

PLEASE REVIEW! I really appreciate your guys' thoughts when it comes to this story so let me know what you think! Also, if you have any ideas of things that could happen in this story I would be glad to hear them! New chapter in a few days! Until then ~Nan0min


	10. Together

Working on the book was more painful than I imagined, but I wanted it to be just right. Peeta did the drawing beautifully. Not a detail was missed. It saddened both of us to have to relive the memories, but at the same time, it was like doing them justice for their loss. None of them were going to be forgotten. None.

Prim's entry was by far the hardest, but there were others I didn't even think about. Peeta's family. He told me about his father, mother, and brothers. I never really got to meet them, for a while we went to the same school, but they were older so we weren't in the same class. Peeta told me everything about them, and I carefully wrote out all of what he said. I never realised that while I lost my sister, he lost his whole family. No one is left.

"Peeta, did you ever visit the bakery?" I ask him while we write. He stops drawing. "No, not yet." he says. I'm surprised, I would of thought in the last few months he's been back he would have gone. I look over to him, he looks sad and sullen. I can't help but place my hand on his shoulder, his blue eyes meet mine. "Do you want to?" I ask. He sighs," I guess I should stop avoiding it." I see the hurt in his eyes, and it hurts me too. He has been in too much pain, and I want to do anything to help it go away. "Do you want me to go with you?" I ask gently. He gives a weak smile and nods his head. "Tomorrow?" he questions. "Sure, I say."

Things between Peeta and I have been changing. Nothing bad, but I've noticed we're both very comfortable around the other. I try to tell myself that this is nothing, friends do that with each other, but I know that it has to be a lie. I rely on Peeta so much now, just seeing him makes me... happy. I think I'm allowed to be a little happy, aren't I? We've both been through so much pain, and we both understand the other. Some days are so hard for me, I still tend to sink into depression. But then Peeta comes and makes me eat, tells me stories of Haymitch and the town, and comforts me. I don't know how he does it, but he helps me in a way I can't understand.

It isn't just Peeta being there for me, I hate the feeling of him not having the same comfort that I have. We are each others company everyday, I bake bread with him, watch him paint, and help him through the tough memories. They don't happen often, but when they do, they usually aren't pretty. He grips and piece of furniture nearby and closes his eyes. I can't stand to see him like that, so I wrap my arms around him and talk, whispering that everything is okay. I notice that when I do it, he calms down much faster than he used to. We are each others rock, and honestly don't know what I would do without him. Maybe he is more than I think, but for now.. He is my Peeta.

The next day I wake up and slip my clothes on. Buttercup lays on the end of my bed and watches me change. He is still an ugly cat, but he's Prim's ugly cat so he stays. I walk downstairs and Peeta is already here and has breakfast done. Walking to the kitchen I sit against the counter with my arms folded across my chest. He looks at me. He didn't get much sleep I can tell. "Are you okay?" I ask. He walks over "Couldn't sleep much this morning, so I figured I may as well make you some breakfast." He smiles at me and gestures to the food.

After we eat and clean up - something Peeta has forced me to get into a habit of doing since he saw the piles of dishes I keep in the sink - we go and sit in the living room. He is still tense and nervous. " Peeta are you sure you want to do this? We can wait if it's too much." I say worriedly. I can't stand seeing him this way. He looks over and smiles. "Thanks Katniss, but this is something I have to do. I'm really glad your coming though, I don't think I could do it alone." I see the pain in his eyes. All I want to do is hug him until he feels better, but I know that is something I can't do. Silently, we both stand up and head for the door.

As we start walking we naturally clasp our hands together. It might make others think we're a couple, but I don't care. If this is what it takes to help Peeta, I'm willing to do it. Besides, I miss the feeling of his hands. Rough from all the years work at the bakery, and the baking he has done since he came back. But still soft and warm, enticing in the cold, early winter air.

When we come up to he bakery Peeta stops in his tracks. The building is rubble, mostly cleaned up, but still a mess. I squeeze Peeta's hand for assurance, he glances down at me and we press on. We stop right in front of where the door used to be. Peeta doesn't say a word, but I know the pain he must be feeling right now. I loosen my grip on his hand to see if he wants to be alone, but this only makes him grip harder. Walking around the rubble Peeta kicks at it to see if anything could be found or salvaged. We spot a few things, melted cooking utensils being most of it. Suddenly I spot something among the crumbled walls, a platter, not very big, but not broken. This isn't what surprised me though, carefully painted on the rims are chains of dandelions.

I recognise the plate, but can't seem to figure out where I remember it from. I let go of Peeta's hand and pick it up, I look to him questioningly. He lets out a big breath. "I can't believe out of everything this made it." He says. "Where did you get this Peeta?" I ask. "Well the platter, that was passed from my dad but it was just white. When my dad realised that I could not only frost, but paint and draw well he saved up and bought me some paints. He said I could draw whatever I wanted on it." He stops seeming to choke. "It was so long ago, but I decided to paint dandelions on it because that was the flower you held at school after I threw you the bread."

I'm shocked. "He gave it to my mother for a gift after it was painted, all she said was that she hated weeds so he should put on it. He did, and it was put in the window of the store."  
That's where it was from! The window! The window Prim would beg to stand outside of and look at the bread and treats from. I remember seeing this plate there and thinking of how beautiful it was, but hating the baker for owning something so pretty.

Peeta turns to me. "That's your plate by the way." he says nonchalantly. I open my mouth to argue but he puts a finger on my lips. "No arguments Katniss, I want you to have it. It was made for you anyway, I only liked it because it reminded me of you." He smiles and grasps my hand again, giving it a slight squeeze. "Lets go now." he says. I don't resist and we start walking back home together.

It's still fairly early in the day when we reach my house, so we decide to get the book out and add more entries. We have gotten past those lost from the top of our heads, now we're moving on to some of the others from the games. A few hours in I can't help but ask. " Peeta, what are you going to do with the bakery?" He stops, "I don't know, rebuild I guess. What do you think I should do?" I don't hesitate " Rebuild Peeta, I know it's hard with all the memories but baking is something you have to do. You love it, and I can't imagine you stuffed up in either of our kitchens for much longer." He smiles at me, and looks like he's about to burst with joy. He grabs my hands, "Thank you Katniss, you have no idea how much you mean to me."

From somewhere deep in my chest I feel a flutter. I don't know what it is or what it means but I feel its intenseness and suddenly feel shy. I give him a grin. "Come on, lets go make something." I say. I can't keep sitting here looking into those eyes, the longer I do the bigger that flutter gets. He looks surprised at my suggestion, but gladly follows me into the kitchen.

"Well what do you want to make?" He asks. I give him a look that says '_you really have to ask?'_ "Oh that's right, cheese buns!" He smiles. We spend the afternoon making cheese buns and other desserts, then have a feast together. By the time I look at the clock I know it's getting late, and Peeta will leave me. I hate when he leaves, I know he'll be back in the morning, but I can't help but feel so alone. He follows my eyes to the clock. "It's getting late huh, well let me help you clean up and I'll be off."

We clean the mess and I tell Peeta to take the leftover cheese buns away so we can have some tomorrow. "You would really eat all of these in one night?" he questions. "Never underestimate the power of cheese buns Peeta, its not my fault they're gone!" I say, he laughs at this. "Oh and please tell me whos fault it is." He grins "Easy, its the cheese buns themselves." I manage to say with a straight face. "They say 'eat me Katniss! I just need too be eaten!' So of course I eat them to make them feel better." I'm still sitting with a stone expression. Peeta looks at me and puts his hand on my forehead. "Katniss I think it's time for you to go to bed."

I laugh at him and say goodnight as I manage to tear myself away and go upstairs. Getting ready for bed I can't help but feel alone again, like I do every night. Me, buttercup, and my nightmares. They haven't let up since I came back, and it's been 8 months. I slip into bed and try to fill my thoughts with Peeta. I've been doing this for the past few weeks and surprisingly, it helps me to sleep. Even if It has the side effect of making me miss him.

I begin to fall into a dreamless sleep, but just as I really begin to feel I'm going to make it through the night with no nightmares as I occasionally do I get hit with a horrible one. Death, screams, blood, pain, and so much more fill my subconscious. I'm screaming, thrashing, and crying, I know. But suddenly I feel something unexpected. Something holding me, talking to me, telling me everything is okay. My eyes burst open and I sit up in my bed, my throat is sore, my legs hurt, and my hair is tangled around me, but that isn't what I notice most. I notice the boy holding me, still talking. As soon as I recognize who is with me I immediately start to calm down. I'm shaking and crying, but I know I'm safe. Peeta is here.

**A/N: Let me know what you think of this chapter, part of me doesn't think it isn't fitting well with the story, but I really, really, love what happened between Peeta and Katniss. I had a guest leave an awesome idea in a review which really helped me to write this chapter! I don't know when I would have gotten a chapter out otherwise, writers block sucks! So, if you have any ideas you'd like to share feel free to let me know! **

**Also, UBER long chapter this time, pretty awesome huh? Hope it makes up for not updating sooner! It took me like, two hours to write now that I think about it, CRAZY! Hopefully a new chapter out soon! And I really mean it this time ;D **

**As always I appreciate any reviews for any reason, and if you'd like to know exactly when I put out a new chapter just follow the story! Favorite if you really love it. I love my followers! Until next chapter! ~Nan0min**


	11. Dreams

I don't even care if part of me thinks he shouldn't be there and we shouldn't be doing this, all that registers in my brain is the remnants of the nightmares and Peeta's arms around me. I lay back in the bed and bury my face in his chest, trying to shut out all the dream left me with. Peeta rubs my back and whispers to me. "Shhh Katniss it was only a dream, your alright, everything is alright." It soothes me, and at the same time reminds me of when he was having attacks and I said the same thing to him.

I lay there for a while before I slowly pull off of his drenched shirt. I'm not crying anymore, but I'm still so scared to be left. "Are you okay?" He says softly. "Probably." I say. "Do you want to talk about it?" "No."

How could I tell him most of my nightmares were about losing him? What would that say to him? What does that say to me? We lay there a few more minutes before Peeta starts to stir. He sits up, about to leave. _I don't want to be alone! _I grab onto his arm, halting him. "Stay with me?" I say, you hear the pleading in my voice, even if I don't want it to come out. Peeta turns and places his hand on my face. "Always." We lay back down and he strokes my hair just like he did in the cave back in the arena of our first games. Slowly but surely, I begin to fall asleep.

~  
Again I wake in my room. This time aware of what had happened the night before, or so I think. I look around the room and find myself alone. _It was a dream_. I jump up and plunge into a shower. It was so real, I wanted it to be real. I have to rethink this, why am I getting so attached? This is the very thing I was trying to avoid! It's been made clear, Peeta and I will never, ever, be anything more than friends. The end.

Grabbing a towel I head out to my bedroom and get dressed. Buttercup is nowhere to be seen, I must be more alone than I thought. I walk down the stairs and head to the kitchen to grab some food, on the counter I find a note.

'_Katniss, meet me in the meadow at 11. DO NOT come anytime before, its a surprise. I mean it. ~Peeta'_

I set it down. I can't see him, not after the dream I had last night. In fact, I don't think I can ever see him again. It hurts too much to see something I can't ever have. I look at the clock, its 10. I have a whole hour to try and tell him that I can't see him anymore. This is going to be hard.

I dawdle for a while before I finally make myself go. Walking out of the house I make my way to Haymitch's to see if he's alive. His house smells better than it did. Hazelle has done a good job keeping it clean. Haymitch is passed out on the floor so I step over his body into the semi- clean kitchen. Opening the cupboards I see that he is out of booze, not good. I guess I'll make a trip to town to get some before he wakes up.

Exciting the house I make my way around town, the cold winter air bites at me. I find a new store in town and grab the bottles. The man at the counter gives me a questioning look. "It's for Haymitch." I say. I see the recognition in his face and he nods his head. Taking the bottles I walk back to Haymitch's house and put them away in the cupboards. Before I leave I place a little note telling him to let me know when he needs more. Looking at the clock it's almost 11. _Good job talking to Peeta, Katniss. Now we have to do this the hard way._

I make my way to the meadow where I see Peeta sitting there in a bubble. Looks to me like something from the capitol. The bubble is big enough to hold several people, but instead of people there is a blanket and basket on the ground. Speaking of the ground, inside the bubble you can see green grass and flowers, outside of the bubble is snow that had just fallen. It was like its own little spring bubble.

Peeta sees me staring at the bubble wide eyed, I see him laugh but don't hear anything. This is weird. He motions for me to come closer. I walk, but stop short of the bubble. I raise my eyebrow at him. Suddenly his hand reaches out from the bubble and grabs mine, and he pulls me in. Inside, the air is warm, just like a spring day. "How's it going?" he asks with a smile. I can't even say anything. He laughs. "Here sit down, I have some cheesy buns to eat and then I have a surprise for you.

I sit and have something to eat. The better this gets the worse I feel. I can't keep doing it, it hurts too much. I finish my food and try to get the courage to start speaking. Before I can get a word out Peeta grabs something from behind his back. I freeze. "Okay, I have something for you but you have to close your eyes." I obey, but I feel the stinging in my eyes from the tears that are there. Something gets placed on my lap. "Open them."

On my lap sits the most beautiful painting I have ever seen. It is the most perfect picture of a dandelion. He knows that is is my favorite flower and I have a lot of things in my house with the dandelion theme. I can't help but gasp at how real it looks. It makes me tear up even more because it yet again, reminds me of something I can't have.

"Don't you like it?" He says gently. I look at him with my teary eyes. "I love it Peeta." I say. "Then why are you crying?" I look away. "I don't think we should see each other anymore Peeta, not as friends, not as anything." It comes out coldly, but it's all I can do. "Is it because of last night?" He says.

"Last night?" I say. "Yeah, I mean it probably wasn't the best Idea for me to just barge into your room and all. I realised that this morning. That's why I left before you woke up, I didn't want you to be mad." It's true? He actually came last night? I don't know what to think, I don't know what to say, so I just sit there. Finally I speak, "What were you doing out so late last night? I mean, how did you hear me?" He looks shy. "I uh, couldn't sleep. So I decided to go for a walk. I heard you screaming when I walked past, and I couldn't help from running in to help you."

I set the painting down and hug my knees to my chest. I don't even know what to think about any of it anymore. It's all so confusing. Maybe I should just be honest. "Peeta, it's not about you coming in last night. I mean, it kind of is, but that isn't all of it." He looks confused so I continue. "Its just that lately things have changed between you and me and I think it's just me thinking that and not you." He still looks lost. "I guess what I'm saying is that you mean a lot to me, and as much as I've tried to ignore it I.. well you mean more to me than you should." Suddenly I see a smile on his face. Now I'm the confused one. "It's okay Katniss." He says still smiling.

"No it's not, it's not okay! I shouldn't have to depend on anyone else. I shouldn't be feeling the way I am!" My voice is rising. Doesn't he understand? I can't see him anymore! I start raving more, my voice almost to a yell. Suddenly I'm silenced, and there is only one thing that could silence me at that moment. A kiss.

**A/N: Well what do you know! I told you guys things would be changing soon! ;D I have some good ideas for future chapters, but its difficult to try and connect what is happening now, to what I want to happen! Sorry I haven't updated, life has been crazy busy with school, plus this last friday I had my sweet 16th birthday party :3**

**Again please feel free to follow this story if you want to be notified as soon as it comes out! I appreciate everyone favoring the story as well! I love to hear what you like as well as what you don't like so review! I'm always open to story suggestions! Until next chapter! ~Nan0min**


	12. Maybe

Suddenly I'm back in time. Back when Snow was still terrorizing me, when Prim was with me,... when Peeta was with me. Through all of my confusion I had one thing I could always count on, even when I didn't want to count on him. All anger that I had vanished, and was instead placed by shock. I jerk back slightly, and sit there trying to comprehend what had just happened.

I look at Peeta and see him giving me a worried look. I still can't seem to process what had just happened and all the emotions swimming in my head so I continue to sit and stare at the grass. "Katniss?" He asks. I awkwardly look up at him. "Please tell me that wasn't just me.." I know what he means. I don't know how to respond. This is it, this is where I have to choose what I want, and what I think I want. Before I start saying something I might regret later I stop and really evaluate the situation. The whole reason I wanted to tell Peeta I couldn't see him anymore is because.. because he means so much to me, and I figured he just saw me as Katniss, not Katniss the girl I'm in love with. Obviously if he kissed me it means something more than what I thought, so I guess I don't have anything to lose.

So I ask him the one thing I've wanted to know since he came back. "You still love me, real or not real?" I mentally brace myself for the answer I dread to hear. Hope flickers in those blue eyes and he smiles. "Real." He says, "I'm just sorry it took me so long to remember." I can't believe what I just heard, he still loves me. He remembers. I lean over and wrap my arms around him, I never thought I would ever hear those words again. I lean into his ear, "Its good to have you back." I say. "You have no idea Katniss." he barely whispers.

We enjoy our lunch Peeta packed and then head back to my house."Where should the painting go?" Peeta asks. I know of the perfect place. I lead him upstairs to my bedroom and over to my dresser. I open the top drawer and bring out the pearl and locket. Carefully I set them on top of the dresser and then point to the wall behind it. "Right there."

"You kept those?" He whispers. I look down and play with my fingers. "Well I never knew what was going to happen, I mean for all I knew you would never get better." He sets the painting down and gently lifts my chin up to face him. "You never have to worry about that again." Then he gives me a gentle kiss. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. No, I don't ever want to worry about that again. We hang that painting up and step back to admire it. It's perfect.

Heading back downstairs we bake treats until it starts to get late, then feast on them until we get sick. Or rather, I get sick. I know it's getting late and all I can think of is how much I don't want Peeta to leave. I thought it was bad before, but it almost breaks my heart to watch him leave. Before he goes out the door I can't help it. "Peeta?" I ask. He turns around. "Stay with me?" I plead. Only one simple word follows, but it means more to me than a hundred. "Always. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up in the middle of the night, and heard Peeta's gentle breathing. So far there haven't been any nightmares. I can hardly believe it. I turn over and snuggle closer to him and drift off to sleep.

Again I wake up to the light streaming in from the barely cracked open window. I had forgotten that Peeta likes it open when he sleeps, but the door is shut soundly. I let out a contented sigh and stretch my toes. Peeta begins stirring so I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I feel a kiss on my cheek and slowly open my eyes. I turn and look at him. "No nightmares." he says."No nightmares." I wonder how bad his actually are. He knows how bad I am from the other night.

I sit up and look out the window. A thick blanket of snow covers the ground. Peeta gets up and heads for the door. "I'll start some breakfast" He slips out and I head to the shower. I still can't believe everything that's happened. Peeta loves me! and maybe, just maybe, I love him too. I really don't know. What does love even feel like? How do you know if you love someone? Most importantly, if I love Peeta, something might take him away.

I finish showering and get dressed, taking some extra time getting ready to look nice. Though my hair is in it's normal braid, I'm not going to go overboard here. Walking down the stairs the smell of cheesy bread wafers in the air. Peeta is in the kitchen cooking some bacon and eggs while some hot out of the oven cheesy bread sits on the counter. Peeta hasn't noticed me there so I sneak over to grab some of the bread. I reach to grab it

"What do you think your doing Miss Everdeen?" I jump back and look over to see Peeta laughing at me. "I just wanted some bread Mister Mellark, you didn't have to scare me so bad!" We laugh at each other and Peeta grabs a plate for me and loads it with food. Then continues to get one for himself. We sit down at the table and continue talking and laughing. I don't think I have been this happy since I came back. He hasn't asked, and I don't know what I would say if he did, but maybe, maybe, I am in love with my boy with the bread.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` **Author Note: Okay HATE me for not uploading! I'm SO sorry I haven't gotten to it lately. I really just didn't know how I wanted things to go and I wasn't all to satisfied with the last chapter. Also, SORRY FOR A SHORT CHAPTER! Maybe I can make it up to you by it being so mushy and lovey-dovey? ;) SO! I PROMISE I will update soon! This time I REALLY mean it! Please let me know your thoughts by reviewing, I truly appreciate it! Until next chapter! ~Nan0min**


	13. Gale

_ A Look into Katniss_

I never imagined I could ever be happy again, but I am. I still have hard days, I still fall in and out of depression, I still scream from nightmares, and I still cry for Prim. But through everything I have had Peeta. Never do I feel alone anymore. Even when I start to get depressive and don't want to talk, Peeta comes and holds me, saying everything is going to be okay because we have each other.

If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have told you no. If you would've asked me two, or even three years ago I would tell you a definite no. But now if you ask me if I love Peeta the way he loved me, no would be the last thing to come out of my mouth. Things are still confusing for both of us, and we haven't really discussed my feelings, but we are together and that's what matters. -

My eyes peek open and the sunshine streaming in the window. I look around at my bedroom and find buttercup stretched out on the floor where the sun shines in. It's funny to see him there, such an ugly little cat. One I hated so much until I was alone and he was my only companion. Enjoying the quiet morning and the sounds of the birds chirping from the cracked window I lay back and sigh. Somehow, I found a little pocket of contentment in my life. I never thought I would have that, even before the games. I look over to Peeta who is still sleeping. I watch his chest rise and fall and know he is not having any nightmares. When he does, he can't move, and his breathing is constricted. He told me he has nightmares about the hijacking, but a lot of them involve me. It hurts to hear that, because I have no control over it. Stupid capitol. I silently get up out of bed and head downstairs.

Looking outside the sun is starting to melt the snow, it is almost spring. Peeta and I have been living together for 3 months. Not much has changed in our relationship besides the fact that we share the same bed. We help each other with our nightmares and somehow manage to hang on through them. Sharing the house was a slow process, Peeta would always sleep here, but everything of his was at his old house. Finally, he asked if I wanted him to move his things in. I didn't mind though, it wasn't much different than before.

Since last December, we have been working on rebuilding the bakery. Peeta made it very specific how he wanted things, but he always made sure I helped him with it. It was again, something we could work on together. The building has been put up, now we are just waiting for the equipment to come from the new capitol, apparently Effie pulled some strings and got the best of the best. She said that everything was a gift, a small thank you for everything we had done. I sat back and watched as Peeta graciously accepted. I'm still not good at being nice to people apparently.

Going to the fireplace I begin to light little pieces of wood until I had a roaring fire. Just as I finish I hear Peeta coming down the stairs. "Morning, have you heard anything from Effie about the stuff?" He asks anxiously. I give a little laugh "Not yet Peeta, but they should be here any day." He walks into the kitchen and grabs some bread he made yesterday. "Sorry, it just seems like we've been waiting so long."

I get up and walk over to him and hug his waist. "I know, who knows maybe we'll get the call today." He smiles and kisses the top of my head. Just then the phone rings and Peeta runs over to answer it. "Yes? Effie? Hi! They are? That's great! Thanks! You too! Bye!" I can't help but laugh at him. "Better calm down you're starting to sound like Effie!" I say. He ignores my comment and grabs my hands. "They're in Katniss, we have to go pick them up!" "Okay, okay!" I laugh, then look down at his pajamas. "You're going to want to change first though." He laughs and bounds up the stairs. I don't think I've ever seen him this excited, but it's a good thing. -

Walking to the train station we walk over to the train booth and talk to the woman inside. She tells us the train should be here any minute. We go and sit under a covered booth for it to come. Peeta grabs my hand through his gloves tightly, and we sit in silence. Soon we hear the train whistle blow and Peeta jumps up.

As soon as it's in the station we rush to the cargo and watch as it opens up. The look on Peeta's face when he sees what's been sent to him was priceless. I laugh and begin grabbing things to take them to the bakery. It takes us a few trips but soon it is all inside. Peeta is in a whirlwind, making sure everything is in the perfect place. I help him as much as I can, but mainly let him do the work.

After a few hours everything is in its place. Peeta is already starting to make all sorts of treats since we had the shelves stocked with ingredients a few days ago. As soon as the first batch of bread is finished Peeta sets it in the window for everyone to see. I watch him walk to the back of the store and grab a wooden sign, on one side it says 'open', and the other 'close', but both have a carefully painted dandelion next to the word. He hands it to me. "This is our bakery, so I want you to hang the sign up." He is so sweet, I lean up and give him a kiss on the cheek. Looking out the window a small crowd has gathered. I walk over and make sure to place the sign the correct way before hanging it up. I step back and turn to Peeta and wrap my arms around him. Looking him in the eyes I say "We did it." He smiles and gives me a quick kiss. "Lets let these people in!" He laughs and opens the door as people begin to come inside.

Soon the place is bustling and Peeta is working hard in the back to keep the bread coming. I man the register because after the few times I've made bread with Peeta I can't help but mess it up. Customer after customer comes in and we work all afternoon. Finally it starts to get late and the people stop coming. I help Peeta clean up and sit on the counter as he counts what we've made today.

I can't help but wonder why we charge anything at all, since we get enough money and things from the capitol whenever we ask. "What do you plan on doing with all that?" I ask him. "Well, I thought maybe we could stop getting money from the capitol, live on our own. Be self sufficient, you know." I do know, he wants to be the man that works for what he has. I can't help but be proud of him. "Your amazing" I say, whether I wanted it to come out or not. He looks at me and smiles. "You know how much I love you?" he asks playfully That one's easy "Too much." I say with a smile. We laugh as he gives me one of the sweetest kisses. We grasp each others hands and I jump down.

Turning towards the door we are suddenly made aware of the man standing at the counter. I freeze, of course this had to happen. Perfect timing. "Hi there Catnip." The only one who would call me that. Gale.

**Authors Note: Yay for uploading soon like I promised! Gales back! So I'm really thinking the next chapter or two should be pretty interesting! As always let me know what you think! Thanks for the support! Until next chapter! ~Nan0min**


	14. Real

I can hardly believe it. Gale is standing in front of me, haven't seen him for more than a year and suddenly he shows up. Peeta immediately wraps his arm around me protectively. Even after all this time he still feels threatened. I give his hand a reassuring squeeze, I'm not afraid of Gale or my feelings. "What are you doing here Gale?" I ask rather icily. Though he probably doesn't deserve it. He raises his hands up and gets a wounded look on his face. "Hey I'm not here to ruin anything, I came back to see my family. I got here on the train today and saw you guys. You seemed pretty busy all afternoon so I thought I would stop in when it slowed down."

Immediately I retract, almost regretting being so rude, but at the same time can't help but think he deserves it a bit. "Oh." Is all I can say. He eyes both me and Peeta and sighs. I know it must be hard to see us together like this. "Listen, I know our last conversation didn't go well and I thought maybe I could clear some things up. If you'll let me" I hesitate. "I don't know Gale." I say slowly. Talk to Gale? Is that really something I want to do? I'll admit our last talk wasn't the best, and he said he wanted to clear things up. It's just a talk, it can't be that bad. "Listen, you don't have to answer me now, If you want to talk I'll be at our meeting place tomorrow at sunrise. Meet me there." He says and walks out.

I look over at Peeta who looks unsettled. "Are you going to go?" he asks. "I don't know Peeta, maybe. I don't think he'll do anything stupid, he really just wants to talk." He nods his head and we start our walk home.

...

That night I toss and turn, going back and forth in my mind. Finally I check the clock and see its almost 5:30. It's now or never. I sit up and look over at Peeta, he's awake too. I try to tell myself that it's just a talk, but I know its more than that. It's the choice, the choice to really be with Peeta without a second thought for Gale. I sigh, and give him a kiss. "I'll be back, okay?" I say. "I know" he replies. I know he doesn't like the fact that I'm going to be with Gale alone, but he knows that there are some things that need to be said without him there.

I get up and dressed in warm clothes, grab my bow, and go out to the forest. Snow drifts pile here and there and I see my breath in front of me. I walk down into the meadow, and slowly make my way to our rock. The sun is just beginning to rise as I finally spot his outline. Silently I sit beside him and watch it rise. We don't say much for a while. Both of us lost in memories. "I see Peeta is better." He finally breaks the silence. " He's been here for almost a year, we're still working on memories, but yes, he is a lot better" I say shakily.

We sit for a while longer. "You know I am sorry." he says. He's talking about Prim. "Me too." I say. Technically, it wasn't Gales fault, he wasn't trying to kill Prim, but it was his bomb that did. I blamed him for so long about it. I blamed myself. I even blamed Prim for being there in the first place. I've been trying to work through that though. The one really to blame is Snow. "I don't blame you, you know." I say. "Yeah but you won't ever see me the same way again, will you." He retorts almost comically. He knows there isn't any way we will ever be together. Peeta or no Peeta. "He really loves you. I never thought I would ever see him this way again, but somehow you managed it. You love him too don't you?" Gale questions. "I don't know" is all I spit out.

I play with my fingers and try not to feel so embarrassed to be talking to Gale about whether I love Peeta or not. "Let me ask you one thing, if he were to be taken away from you, could you live without him?" I know where this is going. Long ago I overheard a conversation between Peeta and Gale. Peeta had asked how I was going to pick between them. Gale's only response, "She'll pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without." Back then I was angry at them for it, but now I understand what he meant.

Only one answer is clear in my head. "No." No, if I didn't have Peeta, I couldn't survive. If it wasn't for Peeta I would be dead. I wouldn't have eaten when I came back. I wouldn't be able to stand my nightmares. I would literally just die. "Then you have your answer." Gale says roughly. I have the weirdest melancholy feeling, I am happy that I've finally admitted I love Peeta, but at the same time it was Gale who helped me realize it. "I'm happy for you, Katniss. Really. He loves you so much, and always has. You guys share something special. All I ever want for you is to be happy, and if he makes you happy, you should be with him. Plain as that."

I feel tears welling up in my eyes. Gale just gave his blessing for me and Peeta. That is way more than I could have ever asked for. I lean over and give him a hug. "Thanks Gale, it means alot to hear you say that" I awkwardly let go and we sit for a few minutes watching the small valley fill with sunlight. I try to change topics. "How are things in the new government?" He tells me about his new position and how well Paylor is doing as the new head. Everything seems to be going well there. Then he asks me how his family has been since he's been away. "Good, your mom has kept Haymitch's house clean, and gets well payed for it. Everyone has had enough money and no one starves smiles. "I'm sorry I never came back sooner, I guess I've been avoiding you and this place." I'm sorry too, I wish we could've had this talk a long time ago. We talk a while longer before we part ways. Just before I give him one last hug. "Thank you for talking with me." I say. I can hardly wait to get back to Peeta, the boy I love. "Don't worry about it Katniss. Maybe I'll see you and Peeta around huh?" I just smile.

We've talked for a few hours so I head straight to the bakery to find Peeta. Inside he is working in the back making more good treats. Tons already fill the display windows, he must have come in just after I left. I feel bad that he's been so worried about me meeting Gale."Hey." I say. He looks over and smiles nervously at me. "Hey, how did everything go?" "Good." I say. "I really feel like I can move on with my life. We may never be good friends again, but at least we don't hate each other. He apologized and then we talked about Paylor and his family." Peeta seems to sigh with relief. I walk over to where he's standing in front of a big shiny mixer. "Its over Peeta, you don't have to worry about Gale, you know that right?" He gives a small smile "Force of habit I guess." I laugh and give him a kiss.

We spend the day baking together, or rather he baked and I ate. By the time we got home we were so tired. I started our usual fire to keep the living room warm and we both sat together in front of it. I snuggled against him and rested my head on his shoulder. Peeta lets out a large sigh. It feels as though we can finally move on, nothing is there holding us back anymore. Talking to Gale was something that had to happen, it had to be cleared up. I needed to realize that I don't blame Gale, Peeta needed to realize that there isn't ever going to be a me and Gale. Ever.

I give Peeta another kiss. "What was that for?" he asks. I laugh, "Nothing, am I not allowed to kiss you?" I ask playfully. "Oh no I don't mind, you're just not usually so spontaneous." he says. "Oh well I can change can't I?" I say. He laughs and gives me another kiss before I snuggle down next to him. I wake up a short while later and the fire is nothing but a few coals. I look to my right and Peeta is asleep. I smile and give him a kiss, to which he wakes up to. "I could get used to this new Katniss." He says with a laugh. "Come on lets go to bed, or would you rather sleep on the floor down here in your baking clothes?" I tease as I stand up and head for the stairs. Peeta jumps up and follows me. ...

A few days later and I'm still 'Acting strange' as Peeta would say. Sure maybe I'm a little more, expressive, but I don't think I'm acting strange. I walk to the bakery after delivering some alcohol to Haymitch. Just as I come up to the door out walks Gale. "Hey Gale" I say somewhat surprised to find him here. "Oh hey Katniss, listen I'm leaving for district 2 now, my train should be here any minute." He says hurriedly. "Oh okay, are you going to come back anytime soon?" I ask. "Of course, every time I get a break I want to come back and be with my family. I didn't realize how much I had missed them, I feel bad that I haven't seen them for so long." I nod understandingly. "Alright well I don't want to be late so I'm going to go, I'll see you around Catnip." He says before he rushes off.

Walking into the bakery I find Peeta standing behind the counter looking at me funny. "What?" I say. He just smiles. "Nothing, I love you." I smile and walk over to him. "Well I brought the booze to Haymitch, he said thanks, or at least I think that's what he meant." We both laugh. "Anything you want me to help with?" I ask. There usually hasn't been too much work. Peeta usually bakes several loaves of different kinds of bread and leaves them out for people to come and get daily. We decided every few days to make a cake and put it in our display window, but since that was done yesterday there isn't much to be done.

The day goes by slowly with a few customers here and there. We close and clean up before heading home with the days leftover bread to eat with our dinner. It's become quite the tradition to sit in front of the fire each night so we snuggle together. Soon Peeta notices how drowsy I've become and begins carrying me up the stairs. I loop my arms around his neck and listen to the sound of his heart beating. Gently he lays me in bed and slides in the other side. He lays on his back so I lay over his chest and put my arm around him. I lay there for a while, just holding onto him.

I begin drifting off to sleep. "You love me, real or not real?" he asks quietly. I'm surprised at the sudden question, but I'm glad to answer it. For once there is no doubt in my mind. "Real" I whisper. He holds me tighter and kisses the top of my head. But I haven't really said it, so I sit up and look right at him. "I love you." I say, and Peeta smiles at me, "I love you too." He whispers. I lean down and give him a gentle kiss before I lay back down and hold onto him. Everything is perfect. Who would have thought that after everything that's happened, we would find such happiness again. So together, we drift off to sleep, and that night, neither of us had nightmares.

...

**Authors Note: NO this is not the end of the book! But its pretty good eh? lol I am getting close to the end of this story though maybe only a few more chapters, but I think I want to make another book talking about Peeta and Katniss and their children. So, ALOT has happened in this chapter! Please let me know what you think about it!**

**By the way, aren't you so proud of me uploading twice in one day? That's freaking crazy! I think I might try to upload again this weekend ( I have monday off as well)**

So since we are starting to wind down the story if you have any suggestions for things that should happen in the story I would definitely love to know! PM me or send it as a review. 

**I'm really glad that Katniss and Gale got things cleared up, this is honestly how I think it would have happened, I know a lot of other people thought he would be mad or try to take Katniss away but I think he is a better character than that, and if he really loved Katniss he would want what's best for her anyway. Even if it wasn't him. ANYWHO! Thanks for all the support guys! Until next chapter! ~Nan0min**


	15. Sunset

Sitting on the porch out front watching the sun dip below the dark green fir trees I take a deep breath. Cool, clean air fills me. It's still fairly cold outside, but spring is definitely starting to arrive. I lean back against a post and stare out contentedly. Peeta should be home from the bakery soon.

"You look good." a voice says. I turn and look over to a slightly sober looking Haymitch. "You look... better than normal." I say. He smirks and sits down beside me. We sit until the sun vanishes behind the trees, and the whole sky seems to come ablaze. "So you finally figured it out huh?" Haymitch says breaking the silence. I look over at him. "What are you talking about?" "Oh you know, you finally figured out that you love him." he says. I sit there. " I suspected in the Quell, and knew after he was hi-jacked. I'm glad you finally figured it out though, it's about time." Haymitch sighs.

Normally, I might be mad about something like this. But I can't help thinking he's probably right about it all. For the most part, I had to let go of Gale before I could choose Peeta. Even after I blamed him for killing Prim. "How do you know I finally 'figured it out' ?" I ask. "Well it wasn't by the fact that you two seem so darn happy all the time. Or that your hugging and kissing in public. I don't think you would've ever have done that before, unless forced." he says sarcastically.

I can't help but give a little smile. I realized we were acting different, I guess I just didn't care about what other people were thinking. "Listen, like I said before. I'm glad you guys figured things out, and I'm glad you guys could find some happiness after everything that's happened." I nod. "I'm glad too" I say. Just then Peeta appears coming up the road. Haymitch stands up. "Well I better go, Hazelle invited me to dinner and I never refuse her food." "Oh so that's why you're sober." I tease and he walks off towards town. Peeta gives me a questioning glance. "You don't think..?" He questions. "Haymitch and Hazelle? I doubt it." I say.

Peeta comes and sits beside me and watches the sun setting. I lean up against him and sigh. It's only been a month or two since I told Peeta I loved him. Nothing has changed much, except what Haymitch already pointed out. I am happier though. I still have those days a few times a month where I feel like I did when I first came back, usually after a bad night. Peeta hardly ever has attacks, but they still do happen. Every time one of us has those days we are both there for each other. It really is just like Gale said, I can't survive without him.

"Katniss?" Peeta says quietly. I look up at him in response. "You love me, real or not real?" I'm a little puzzled by the question, but think he might be having an attack. "Real Peeta." I say assuredly and squeeze his hand. "We got married, real or not real?" He asks. "Not real Peeta, you just told everyone we were remember?" He nods, Then turns towards me and grabs my hands. "Why don't we do it for real then?"

Everything is suddenly in slow motion. I haven't had the smallest thought about marrying Peeta and suddenly he's asking me to! I sit there and see him waiting for me response but I can't seem to get anything out. I don't know why I wouldn't marry him, considering we're almost acting like a married couple already. "Peeta are you sure that's such a good idea?" I ask shakily. I can't seem to process everything yet. I see disappointment in his eyes."Why not Katniss? We're practically married already, I love you, You love me, and I never want to leave you. So why not get married?" He says."I don't know, it just seems so.. scary to me." I say. He smiles at me. "I am too, but that doesn't mean I don't want to do it. I want to be with you forever, I want to call you my wife."

I can see the pleading in his eyes. I know I want to marry Peeta, I'm just so scared of what might happen. I look into the blue eyes that threw me the bread, watched me at school, went into an arena with me not once but twice, and thought I was a killer but overcame the hi-jacking to grow to love me again. How could I say no? I smile. As scared as I am, I know that I can get through anything with him. "Okay," I say quietly, but he only looks at me more intently. "Are you sure?" He says, almost sounding hurt. "Of course." I say. "Peeta there is no way I could ever survive without you." He presses his face into mine and gives me a long kiss.

Pulling away he reveals a ring. I gasp. The ring is a plain and simple gold band with a pearl placed on top. "Is that our pearl?" I ask breathlessly. He nods and slides it onto my fourth finger, giving it a kiss when its on. It fits perfectly and looks beautiful. "It's perfect Peeta!" I say.I never even imagined having a ring, my mother didn't have one, and neither did most all women in the district, save the mayors wife. I look from the ring to the beaming man beside me and give him a kiss.

There was a day when I never thought I would ever get married, yet here I am today engaged to the boy with the bread. My Peeta.

**A/N: Thanks for being patient! Its been holidays and finals and life has been crazy so I haven't had much time to write. Let me know what you think about the proposal! I'm not altogether satisfied with it after reading what others have written but I really think its sweet. I'm not sure how the next chapter or two are going to go. I definetly want to write about the wedding but I don't think there is much more after that. Maybe in the future I can write a sequel, but It may be a while.**

**Please be sure to review and favorite and all that stuff if you really like it! Until next chapter ~Nan0min**


	16. Always

The day dawns early. I slip out of bed and take off for the forest. There is a lot to do today, but before I get into anything about I have to go. I have to have some quiet time to think and mourn. After a short walk through the forest I reach the rock. I sit and watch the sky change colors with the rising sun.

The air is already starting to warm up in the June sun. The streams are gushing, and baby animals are still wandering close to their mothers. I sigh. Today is my wedding day. I'm happy, really, genuinely happy to be getting married to Peeta, but there is one important thing missing. Prim.

It's been 2 years. But the pain of losing her still stings my heart, especially today. She would have loved to have known that Peeta and I were getting married. Of course she would of been my maid of honor, but now that place is bare. When I was deciding things about the wedding I made sure that there was no maid of honor or bridesmaids, best man or groomsmen. Peeta and I both knew the people we wanted to stand beside us, and they aren't here anymore. So we decided not to have any. No one could take their places.

As soon as the sun hits a certain point I know it must be getting late so I drown out my thoughts of Prim and head for home. Walking into the house I am greeted by my prep team who came back especially for my wedding. "Oh Katniss where have you been?! We barely have enough time, we must keep to schedule!" I high pitched voice squeaks. Oh yes, Effie is back too She insisted on helping me with every detail, even when I kept telling her that I wanted to keep it small and simple.

Suddenly I'm ushered upstairs to find an empty bedroom. "Where's Peeta?" I question. "Oh don't worry about him dear, I've got it all under control. You just sit back and relax!" Effie rambles on for a minute until she walks away.

Venia leads me to a gross looking pool and playfully orders me to sit. "What's this for?" I ask her. "Oh its for the scars dear! They'll vanish right off you!" She says. "Is Peeta being given the same thing?" I ask. "Of course!" She says, like I'm asking such a stupid question. "Well I don't want either of us in this, go and make sure he doesn't get it. We will be getting married _with _our scars. All of them." I say.

She looks at me startled but backs away to the door. She doesn't understand, the scars we have are more than what is on the outside, we have scars in our very core. Just masking the scars that other people can see is fake and cheap. Peeta and I are done being something we're not, and we aren't scarless.

Venia comes back and informs me that Peeta refused the bath as well. Then she begins her next process, removing every inch of hair on my body, mind the hair on my head. I wasn't going to let her, but since she seemed so upset about the whole scar bath I figured I could give her this one.

Finally I am allowed to sit up while Flavius does my hair. I notice he has a new carrot orange wig, but other than that actually looks pretty normal, which is a big step. Octavia is cleaning and filing my nails to make them look perfect. This time, instead of painting flames on the nails I notice she makes a little primrose on every finger. When she is finished she looks up and me and smiles, "I thought you might want her with you on your big day."

I start to cry a bit but everyone is pleading me not to ruin my makeup. I almost forgot about that. I asked them to do very minimal, just like Cinna used to. I don't want to look crazy and unrecognizable. I want to look like me.

Once Flavius declares my hair perfect my mother is lead into the room. In her hands is a large white bag. Here is my wedding gown. It wasn't a hard decision to use one of Cinna's dresses he had made for me and my 'fake marriage' to Peeta. I just asked my mother to bring the one Prim loved the most on me.

My mom walks over and helps me to get the dress on, it's a little unrecognisable, but I figure its because I haven't seen any of them for a long time. "Alright, now close your eyes and lets go to the mirror." Mom says as she gently leads me. "Okay, right here." I stop. "Open your eyes."

In the mirror is a gorgeous woman, me. My hair is gently pinned back with little curls peeping out here and there, and every pin had a little fake pearl on the end that had its own perfect place. A long sheer veil fitted under my loose bun. My makeup looks great, not too much, but I feel pretty. It especially accents my hazel eyes. Lastly, I looked at my dress, it's plain and simple with lace. It fits me perfectly and accentuates all the right places. A long train is in the back with intricate beading all along the edges.

"I really don't remember this dress." I say when I catch my breath. "That's because you have never worn it." My mom says. I look at her questioningly as she reaches in her bag and pulls out a note. "This is for you." She says with tears in her eyes. I gently open the letter.

_Katniss,_

_If you have this note, it's because I'm gone, but it also means you are finally following your heart. The dress you are wearing is what I imagined you in if you ever really married Peeta. I didn't want to give it to your for your fake wedding, this dress is as perfect as I could make it. _

_I'm sorry I couldn't be there to see you in it, but I know that you're as beautiful as I envision you. Please don't mourn me today, be happy you finally found someone you love. _

_Never lose your flame,_  
_Cinna_

I can't help but start crying, I don't care who's upset I'm ruining my makeup. I look at the dress in the mirror. Absolutely everything about it is perfect. I don't know how he knew Peeta and I would get married, but he did. I ask for the letter to be put on my dresser with all the other treasures.

After a while I stop crying, then the makeup is packed on my face to fix the tear stains and red eyes. Again I look in the mirror at the beautiful girl. I see my mom tearing up behind me and turn to face her. "She would have loved to have seen you today." She whispers. I nod. "I would have loved for her to be here."

Before I start to cry again I hear a knock at the door as Haymitch is let in. "You look beautiful." He says smiling. "Thanks Haymitch." I say. "We better hurry though, you have a bunch of impatient guests, and and even more impatient boy waiting downstairs." I smile and take Haymitch's arm. I had asked him a few days after the proposal if he would walk me down the aisle and he heartily agreed. Haymitch is the closest thing to a father I'll ever have.

We begin descending the stairs and stop in the living room while everyone gets out and placed. I look at the clock. It's 2. The morning had just flown by, and with the hair, makeup, and dress, I haven't had a minute to rest. Stopping at the front door I turn and Haymitch flips the veil over my face. "Ready?" He asks. I smile. "Ready."

The door is opened and in comes the summer sun. The air smells of the primroses that are scattered everywhere. Slowly step by step Haymitch and I being making our way down the aisle. I look at all the people that are seated in the neat rows to my sides. Hazelle and her family, and lots of people from around town, then others, Paylor, Plutarch, Annie and her baby boy, Johanna, and so many more. Finally as I near the end I spot Gale in the crowd giving me a slightly sad smile, when he notices me looking he smiles bigger.

Just then I look from Gale to the man standing at the end of the aisle. He is smiling at me, as tears form in his eyes and fall of off his face. I can't tear my eyes from him to see any of the people in the crowd, so I don't try. When we reach the end, Haymitch loops my arm through Peeta's and sits down with my mother.

The ceremony goes on from there as we absentmindedly recite our vows and exchange rings. I can't help but cry along with Peeta as we stand there in front of all our friends and tell of our love. Finally we are allowed one kiss. We've shared many over the years, but we both know this is different. Peeta gently lifts my veil back over my head and gently presses his lips against mine. The kiss is short and simple, but means everything to me as I gently kiss wholeheartedly back.

Suddenly we are ushered back down the aisle as Mr. and Mrs. Peeta Mellark. "Mrs. Mellark huh? I could get used to that." I say jokingly in his ear. He squeezes my hand and laughs. We take our time to walk to a tent that was set up nearby. Inside is a large cake, decorated with small pearls everywhere. I smile. "It's amazing Peeta!" I breath. He smiles at me, "I thought you would like it."  
Then Effie rushes over "Alright, lets cut the cake and get this going!" She says. I can't help but roll my eyes, its going to be a long evening.

The rest of the night is filled with toasts, cake, and congratulations. Even Gale came by to say how happy he was for us. Peeta beamed through it all, even after I got exhausted from talking to so many people. Finally it is getting late, Effie insists we leave all the clean up to her and for once I actually agree.

I began walking back towards home, but Peeta stopped me and picked me up. "What are you doing?" I laugh. "Taking you home" He said and starts walking in the opposite way down the street. "Peeta, home is the other way." I say. "Oh just sit there and wait, you'll see." He smiles.

After a ways we come to a new looking house. Peeta walked up and opens the door. "Peeta what are you doing you can't just walk into someone elses home!" I say. He just laughs at me, "Look around Katniss." I obey, and notice that all of our stuff is in here. "Peeta?" I question.

"I thought we could start fresh Katniss. So I built this." He says. "You built us a house? When?" I ask. Peeta laughs again. "I started right after we got engaged. I knew we didn't want to live in the victors village forever, and I wanted to have something for just us." He takes me around the place, its beautiful. Peeta went all out with the help of some people in the capitol he got us all the same amenities we had in the other house, like running water.

"The best part is that I built it on the other side of the bakery." He said and points to a door. I walk over and open it and find the back of the bakery. He really has thought of everything. It's perfect. "Peeta I just can't figure out how you pulled this off without me knowing!" I say. "Oh that was easy, I just had to send Effie over." He says. That makes sense why Effie felt the need to come over almost everyday to talk about the wedding.

I laugh. "Your amazing Peeta." I say. He smiles at me. "Just one more thing Katniss." He grabs my hands and leads me to the fireplace. He tells me to sit in front of the fire while he goes to get something. I look up and see the dandelion platter on the mantle. I smile. It couldn't be more perfect. Peeta returns with a loaf of bread. Of course, the bread toasting! He brings the bread and hovers it over the fire to get toasted. I look at him and smile.

"What?" he asks after he sees me smiling at him. "This, its all perfect. Even the bread toasting." I say. "Well I wouldn't forget the toasting, it wouldn't seem like we were married without it." He says. "The toasting is more than that Peeta. Don't you find it fitting that the bread and fire come together to make something symbolising our marriage?" I see the recognition flash over his face and he smiles at me. "The boy with the bread and the girl on fire. Two things that most people wouldn't think went together so well."

He brings out the toasted loaf and breaks it in half. We both go and take a bite. Then, we _know_ we are married. Peeta leans down and gives me a kiss. "I love you Mrs. Mellark." I feel my heart melt at the name. "I love you too Mr. Mellark." I whisper and return the kiss. We slowly break away and I look deep into his eyes. "Stay with me?" I ask gently. He smiles and caresses the side of my face. "Always."

**A/N:**

**Thank you all for reading this book! It means a lot to me that you guys enjoyed it all, and I had a lot of fun writing it. I would so much appreciate your feedback on the story, so please review.**

**I hope to possibly make another book about the story of Katniss and Peeta and how thier children came about, let me know if that sounds interesting to you. If you want to be sure to see that story when it comes out, favorite me as an author!**

**Feel free to PM me any questions or suggestions you may have.**

**Again, thank you so, so, much. Lovingly, Nan0min**


	17. Ending notes, Sequel Book

Hi guys! I just wanted to let you all know that have a sequel to this book called Embers. Here is the description and link to that story! "The sequel to Always. 10 Years have passed since their wedding and Peeta desperately wants to have children. Katniss is still struggling with the idea. Will she give in and give the man that gave up so much for her what he wants so badly? Can she refuse?"  
s/8881137/1/Embers

Please be sure to leave me a review for this story! And check out the sequel! Thanks for reading :) ~Nan0min


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